So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
