garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
