so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
