mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
