Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i love accidental penises.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
