did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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