a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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