my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
