I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
