I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize