Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
