A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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