i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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