It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
