Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
