You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
