just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
