I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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