Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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