I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
