the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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