I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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