Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
