I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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