we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
