there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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