my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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