Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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