I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
