He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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