This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
