the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
