why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
