get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
