I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
