I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
