Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
