ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
