you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
