look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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