Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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