we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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