I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
