3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
