the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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