Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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