i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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