I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
