My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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