No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
