you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
