if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
