Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
