What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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