Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
