I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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