1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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