You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
