small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
