What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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