After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
