I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
