he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
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IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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