i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
