Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
