Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
